I am saddened to have grown

I wish I could be that child again

The one that believed good prevails

Even though it was the same one

that learnt it was not so

Bring back Santa Claus

with his good cheer

For the one that rewards good deeds

is the one I can revere

But he was no more real

than the good deeds appeal

For now I have to know this burden

but what to do with it I do not know?

I have never learnt to live well

in this ‘cruel world’ and now I am delayed

I wonder about those who do,

and who was their teacher?

Are these the ‘growing pains’

they so casually speak of?

If so spare me this pain

for I cannot bare to become

the monster under the bed

-Camille Delaquise

This poem appears in Behind the Facade, Camille’s debut contemporary poetry collection. I am saddened to have grown speaks to the grief of innocence lost — mourning the painful transition from childhood faith to adult moral awareness, while resisting the hardening that cruelty so often demands.

This poem is available as a contemporary poetry print on textured recycled card.